Norwegians and Temperatures

By Kjersti Magnussen

+15oC/59oF
This is as warm as it gets in Norway, so we’ll start here. People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves. The Norwegians are out in the sun, getting a tan.

+10oC/50oF
The French are trying in vein to start their cemtral heating. The Norwegians plant flowers in their gardens.

+5oC/41oF
Italian cars won’t start. The Norwegians are cruising in cabriolets.

0oC/32oF
Distilled water freezes. The water in Oslo Fjord gets a little thicker.

-5oC/23oF
The Brits start the heat in their houses. The Norwegians start using long sleeves.

-20oC/-4oF
The Aussies flee from Mallorca. Their Norwegians end their Midsummer celebration. Autumn is here.

-30oC/-22oF
People in Greece die from the cold and disappear from the face of the earth. The Norwegians start drying their laundry indoors.

-40oC/-40oF
Paris starts cracking in the cold. The Norwegians stand in line at the hotdog stands.

-50oC/-58oF
Polar beras start evacuating the North Pole. The Norwegians army postpones their winter survival training awaiting real winter weather.

-70oC/-94oF
Santa moves south. The Norwegian army goes out on winter survival training.

-183oC/-297,4oF
Microbes in food don’t survive. The Norwegian cows complain that the farmers’ hands are cold.

-273oC/-459,4oF
ALL atom-based movement halts. The Norwegians start saying “Faen, it’s cold outside today.”

-300oC/-508oF
Hell freezes over. Norway wins the Eurovision Song Contest.